Nonnie

It's been a while since I've updated, and I've been avoiding this post as long as possible.  Things have been busy (as they typically are with triplet toddlers), but on top of everything, my maternal grandmother in Dallas became ill and recently passed away.  I've started and stopped this post so many times because it is impossible to put into words just how special she was to me and how much I will miss her, but I will do my best...

Nonnie was the grandma I was closest to and related to the most.  Often, she was covered in animal print with over sized, blinged out accessories, brightly polished nails, and platinum blonde hair.   She was one in a million.  Her personality was over the top and she was BEYOND spunky!  She was "that grandma" who never aged and felt more comfortable around those of us in our 20s than people her own age (she even ended up missing my brother's wedding a few years ago because she fell while SHAVING HER LEGS IN THE SINK and was in the hospital). Her laugh was contagious and even though she'd jokingly insult you to your face, you loved her even more for it.  She was so quick witted and had some of the best one-liners ready to drop at the most inappropriate times. Despite suffering from conditions such as COPD, emphysema, scoliosis, arthritis, neuropathy, and the beginning stages of dementia, you never once heard her complain.  Instead, she'd want to tell me how good looking and what an amazing provider my husband was; how smart and beautiful the babies were; how fortunate I was to have my loving parents; and how she wished I lived closer so we could go "people watch" all the time (her favorite hobby).  This summer my mom encouraged her to finally see a doctor for some pain she had been having and they surprisingly discovered the largest abdominal aortic aneurysm any of them had ever seen (at least 3 times the normal size).  They decided to perform surgery to repair the aneurysm since it would likely burst any day, killing her immediately; however, while recovering, she came down with pneumonia and never was able to fully recover.  One morning after the surgery, I called to check on her and let her listen to the babies giggle and babble back and forth.  I had to introduce myself a few times and clarify who "Natalie" was and why there were babies running around in the background.  That was such a difficult phone call.   I immediately made plans to bring the family for a visit to help raise her spirits, jog her memory and allow them to see her one more time in case things took a turn for the worse.

We drove up on a Friday and went straight to the rehab facility.  After being there a few minutes, we were told she would be sent to the ER because the fluid in her lungs was increasing.  Watching her gasp to breathe and lie in pain was so incredibly hard.  She tried to smile and talk to us, even attempted to make a few comments about how good looking Kris was, but I could tell it was extremely painful.  The babies recognized her immediately and kept saying "Nonna" or pointing in her direction when asked where she was.  I asked if I could take a picture with her and she refused because her "hair and make-up weren't done" :) Oh Nonnie.....

 

with the babies before going up to see Nonnie 

eating snack outside while we waited for the ambulance

That night my mom and I stayed in the ER with her for a few hours, helping where we could and keeping her company even though all she wanted to do was sleep.  After midnight, we went home to rest up.  The next morning (Saturday), I went back with my mom for a few hours while Kris stayed with the babies.  Nonnie continued to get worse and needed CPAP to assist with her breathing (took me back to our NICU days), but stubborn Nonnie kept taking it off because it was so uncomfortable and eventually was given a nasal cannula/mask (which she still removed when she tried to talk).  I remember hearing her tell my mom "I'm going to die" so matter of factly, and we both burst out crying.  She was obviously in so much pain and just wanted it to be over.... I prayed she was wrong.  There was just too much life left and I wanted her around to see the babies grow up and see me as a mother.  Her fluid levels weren't getting any better and the only option left was to undergo surgery to drain the fluids, but there were no guarantee she'd make it through.  The recovery alone would be almost impossible. 

Sunday morning we brought the babies for a visit before heading home.  They enjoyed running around the hospital room, playing with the "balloons" daddy made and were a great distraction for us all.  Nonnie had decided she did not want the surgery and asked to go home so she could die peacefully. My mom met with hospice who helped prepare things for her to leave. She was to spend the last few days/weeks/etc (there was no telling at this point) in the comfort of my mom's home.  Kris and I left with the babies while my brother went home with my mom to help prepare the house for all of the hospital equipment (my dad was still in DC and was unable to come home during this time).  I planned to come back solo the next weekend to help my mom clean out Nonnie's apt (even if she got better, she would never be able to live independently so she would have to move regardless).



 

 

 



 

one of the only pictures Nonnie would let us take

A few days later (Wednesday), my mom called in the morning to tell me that Nonnie was actually improving some and the hospice nurses said they might have to reduce the hours they were there since Nonnie might have a few more months to live!  I was hopeful and anxious for the weekend to arrive so I could get more one-on-one time with Nonnie.  Not even a few hours later my mom called back to say Nonnie had taken a turn for the worse and was unlikely to make it through the night.  My heart sunk.  I remember sitting in the game room upstairs just bawling uncontrollably.  The babies watched me, confused by the emotions and unsure what was going on, but after a while, they came over, crawled into my lap and hugged/kissed me, wiping the tears away.  I showed them pictures of Nonnie and told them about their wonderful great-grandma.  I prayed so hard that she'd pull through to be able to watch them grow up and for them to have some of the same crazy memories I have of her, but deep down I knew she wouldn't. 

That night I couldn't sleep, and around 2am the call came from my mom saying Nonnie had taken her last breath and was in heaven.  I was numb.  She was gone.  I'd never get to see her again or hear her voice or smell her perfume.  The rest of the day all I could do was cry.  I was so grateful for the memories I had, that she was able to see me get married and meet my children, but I still wanted more time with her.

The next day (Friday), I drove up to Dallas, emotionally drained, but ready to be there for my mom as she grieved the loss of her mother.  We spent the majority of the weekend cleaning out Nonnie's apt, but also made time for a Crossfit workout and game night at Nonnie's place (they had it in her honor & raised some money for us) :)

crossfit with the family



these ladies were card sharks!

mom socializing

Nonnie always said that she didn't want to be buried and, in fact, she wanted to donate her body "to science" ... of course we would joke with her that they'd give the body right back since it wouldn't be of much use or that they'd be curious to see what a smoker's lungs look like after a 60+ year "habit" :) So because there was no body or ashes (Baylor would cremate her body and return the ashes within the year), my mom put on a memorial for Nonnie a few weeks later on September 8th (that way my dad could also be in attendance). In true Nonnie fashion, we suggested that those in attendance wear animal print or "bling" so of course I had the trio all decked out! 

 

after the memorial

Nonnie would have LOVED these outfits!

{abc} with Uncle Andrew & Auntie Mary

It was a beautiful service and so fitting for my sweet grandmother! We will miss you so much Nonnie, but know that you're just loving all the BLING in Heaven .. see you soon!!! xoxo


Nonnie on duty!