To say that I am blessed is such an understatement! I am overwhelmed each & every day I sit in the hospital, staring in amazement as my precious children sleep, eat, breathe, grunt, cry, and yes, "go potty." So many people (& close friends of mine) struggle to have even one child, yet we have been blessed with THREE gorgeous, healthy babies! How fortunate are we? It is a very sensitive subject and one that bring guilt to me almost daily .. why were we chosen to have our babies? What is God's plan in all of this? I might never know the answers to these questions, but I do know that He is faithful and takes care of our needs (even though we might not understand it at the time).
Yesterday, we got a phone call from one of the nurses at 6am telling us that overnight they had stopped Alyssa's bottle feeds, placed her on an IV and inserted a tube through her nose into her stomach. Her stomach has always been on the larger side, but last night it got even bigger and was "distended" (medical term meaning "big"). They did an x-ray & saw that there was a lot of air in her stomach. She had been burping and tooting plenty (believe me!) so they were slightly concerned b/c it continued to build up with each feeding & got big really fast (increased about 4cm in a few hours). The tube was inserted to help release the air and her feeds were stopped until the air decreased or they found out what was wrong (don't want to put more stuff in her tummy). After getting this information, I decided to get ready (which was hard with rolling blackouts) & head to the hospital to be there for Alyssa. I'm not going to lie, it was pretty scary (despite the nurse telling me "not to worry" & that they weren't "too concerned") & I cried a bit for my littlest one because I couldn't be there to comfort her.
As I was driving (that was the longest 45 minutes ever!), I had a strange calmness come over me & I thought out loud, "Thank you God for showing me that you are still in control of everything..." I started crying again (there's been a lot of this recently), thinking that even in the scary times my first instinct is to thank God for being every present and for protecting us. I know that God is taking care of my family and is watching over my babies. He has "loaned" them to us and I am grateful for every second I get to spend with them, but if He chooses to take them back, He may have them (although I might put up a little "fight" since I've just fallen head over heels in love with them!). He is in control...... The rest of the drive I prayed and thanked God for providing so many things & for showing his hand every step of the way. I'd like to share a "few" of the MANY blessings we've (I've) experienced and how I can start to see God's hand in everything:
- As long as I can remember, I've hated my body. Hated how large "certain parts" are and how my hips weren't as small as some of my friends .. turns out
my body type is IDEAL for carrying triplets, my "certain parts" have been able to provide enough nutrition for all three babies, as well as stock up plenty for when they come home (our deep freezer arrived this week b/c we didn't have enough room!!)
- A few years ago I had a "gut" feeling that we'd have complications getting pregnant so I went & had MULTIPLE blood tests done .. turns out
I was right & we were told our best option was IVF - in the end we saved ourselves the heartache of trying for many years and/or possibly dealing with many undiagnosed miscarriages
- Decided with our RE (Dr. H) that with all of my issues, we'd put 3 embryos in since there was only about a 60% change that one would take and
ONLY a 5% chance all 3 would take... HA!
-
Our insurance covers the entire IVF process and pays for 90% of every other medical bill - we MAYBE had to pay a few thousand dollars for everything!
- 18 embryos were fertilized, but
only 3 were unaffected by my genetic abnormality meaning we'd only have one shot at IVF and if it didn't take we'd have to do a fresh cycle, plus we wouldn't have to worry about choosing which to implant or what we'd have to do with the frozen embryos
-
3 embryos were transferred and all 3 took (the last one took a few more weeks to decide if "he" (I think it was Brandon) wanted to join our family) .. solid heartbeats and wonderful ultrasounds from then on!
- My OB suggested I see the MFM from UT that came out once a week
"in case I wasn't able to make it to 30 weeks and had to deliver in the Med Center ... they'd have my info & already know about the babies since they'll follow me throughout my pregnancy" instead of seeing a different specialist through another hospital ..
the same MFM happened to be on-call the night I was flown down- I was told I'd be on bed rest early into the pregnancy & might not make it to Christmas break (29 weeks) .. turns out
I made it the entire semester, which gave me half of my salary, 5 sick/personal days, credit for a full year of teaching, and time for my long-term sub to finish her student teaching & have a few weeks off with her family
- Very smooth pregnancy with minimal symptoms besides the swelling and exhaustion - everything that could go right ... did!
- When describing "indigestion" to my OB at 29 weeks,
she insisted I come in a day early for my appt just to make sure everything was ok .. I was in fact dilated and having contractions. A few hours later the contractions increased, I dilated more and was life-flighted downtown (Side note: the helicopter is only allowed to hold 6 people total, but because I counted as 4 (& needed 2 EMTs and a pilot to join me), we were over the limit. Lots of paperwork had to be done & I've been told that because of MY flight, the FAA is now looking into changing the rules for a multiples pregnancy! Talk about stubborn, rule-breakers already!!! Is this an indication of what's to come??) :)
- The babies were born weighing 2lbs 8oz (girls) & 2lbs 10oz (Brandon). Medicaid & Social Security are given to babies who weigh
2lbs 10oz and under (birth weight "outranks" money when it comes to qualification) so our insurance pays 90% of the hospital stay, medicaid pays the other 10%, we receive $30 per month per child while they are in the NICU, and are paid $0.50 a mile to drive in (about $30 a day)
- They were born on December 22nd so we can
write them off on our taxes for the entire year :)
Having said all that, it makes it hard to look at any issue as a "hiccup", "setback" or something negative. Who knows what God has planned & how dare I try to step in the way by telling him how it should be done?!?! If I had focused too much on any of the negatives in the situations mentioned above, I might not have been able to see the positives!
Back to little Alyssa...... so when I got to the hospital, I spoke with the doctor who told me that basically we need to watch her tummy and make sure the air is released. If it didn't go away or if it got worse, she would need to do something similar to a swallow study to check for GI issues & see if there was a partial blockage (a full blockage isn't possible b/c she has been stooling). If the air was gone then we'd begin to introduce her bottle feeds again and monitor her to see if the air returns. My gut is telling me that she might be lactose intolerant (to some degree) because her stomach has always been slightly on the larger side (she's also only ever had my milk), but the doctor isn't too convinced because she doesn't throw up & hasn't been constipated, but if everything else comes back normal we might have to investigate other theories. She recently started eating larger amounts of milk so that might have had something to do with it...who knows?? Only time will tell! I did have to laugh at the spunky personality of my little angel though. As soon as I walked in the room & she heard me talking, she started fussing & crying for her mommy & wanted some food. It was almost as if she was tattling on the "mean nurses" who took her milk away & she wanted me to give her some, but all I was able to do was give her the pacifier :( Poor little angel! But what a genius - already knowing her mommy by sound!!!!
Well today (Thurs, Feb 3rd), her x-ray showed that all of the air was out of her stomach (YAY!) & that it was actually down to a normal size. Milk was reintroduced, but at a smaller amount so during her feeding times, she chugs the 10ml in less than a minute - what a teaser! The doctor said that we will now be monitoring her stomach to see how she reacts to the milk and if she does well we should be able to increase the amount more rapidly and get her back to full feeds ad lib in no time! Hopefully tomorrow we'll have more of an idea of where to go next!
As of today, Cassandra has officially started the discharge process and assuming her heart rate doesn't dip too low (called a "brady") she should be going home this Sunday or Monday!! She got her synagis shot, a hearing test, and a head ultrasound & will have more shots & tests done the next few days. It is definitely a mixed blessing to have one come home separately because that means we will now have to split our time between home & the hospital or take turns going up to visit the other babies. A large part of me would prefer to have them all come home together so we won't have to worry about splitting our time, but I know it'll also be good to get them home at different times to slowly get us into a routine. However, I know that God has an ultimate plan & I can't wait to see why he's choosing to send them home at separate times (...or is He???). Brandon & Alyssa aren't too far behind, but their main thing to watch is their heart rate (still normal concerns for any preemie) & as soon as they can be brady-free for about 7 days, they will be able to come home as well (also as long as Alyssa's tummy doesn't give her more problems)! We're hoping they'll be able to come home next week, but it's up to them! :)
I will update when I have more info - gotta rest up before the "snow storm of 2011" hits! Maybe I can sneak some snowballs into the hospital & have a snowball fight with the babies - who knows when we'll see snow next! Keep those prayers coming - God is listening!!
