This weekend my "drugs" arrived and thoroughly freaked me out. Here they all are - spread out on my counter.... you overwhelmed too???
Today was our "teaching appointment" at the RE where we learned how to prepare/administer all of the lovely injections and got a more finalized calendar - so much info and meds to remember .. hope I don't mix them up! It was very informative, and I left feeling much more at ease. To be honest, I was very scared about the appointment today and had a minor meltdown in the car on the way. It wasn't because of the injections (I don't have a problem with needles/shots), but mainly because of the uncertainty of the situation. I understand that nothing is a guarantee, but before, this whole process was so far in the future, it didn't seem so real. Now that the medicine has arrived and my calendar is finalized, it's definitely "real", and I'm scared. I'm scared that something will happen and we won't be able to proceed with the IVF process. I'm scared that the PGD testing will come back and tell us that none of the embryos are viable. I'm scared that none of it will work and we'll have to start over again (or go another route). But most of all, I'm scared that it will work and I will feel so guilty for my friends who have been unable to have children of their own. I don't want to be THAT person in their lives.... and I apologize to those of you if that happens (you know who you are)
Here's a breakdown of what we learned at the appointment (possible "TMI" .. sorry!):
- I finish birth control this week (I've been on it to suppress/control my cycle to ensure the best/most eggs will be retrieved)
- I go back next Tuesday (June 1st) to get my baseline ultrasound (US) & bloodwork (BW) and will start my injections that afternoon/evening .. I will probably have to go back every other day for US/BW for the first few weeks to monitor how my body is
reacting - thank God I won't miss school (gotta save my sick/personal days)
- I will only need to be doing injections for a few weeks, not months like I previously thought (whew!) and will be able to combine a few meds so it'll only be 1 injection instead of a few (however this could change depending on how I react .. could be more, could be less - more uncertainty .. yay!)
- I can give them to myself - double whew! (not that I didn't believe Kris could handle it, I just would prefer to be in control of this aspect... plus the thought of Kris getting near me with a needle is kinda scary)
- I will get the shots in my lower stomach instead of in my butt (another relief, although both areas have enough "padding") :) however I hope I don't bruise as badly as a few of my friends who've done it - oh well, I guess it'll be worth it!
- In addition to all the injections and suppositories, I will have the pleasure of taking 20-ish pills a day .. jealous yet?? :) I'm telling you .. I feel like a walking CVS, oh the things I will do to have a baby.....
- Kris' instructions for this whole process: take 2 pills/day for 10 days, then "leave a sample" on the day of my retrieval (yet ANOTHER example that guys have it easier than us girls..... NOT fair!)
The retrieval and transfer are still on schedule (ha!) but I have a gut feeling that it might change - it'd be my luck! Hope to have more news next week. Thanks for your support, prayers, & encouragement!
